Day 3: Temptations and stuff.

I realize by the time I sit down at the end of the night, I've forgotten most of what I wanted to type about (ha yes, I do tend to talk to 'myself'). So I'm going to star writing things down to make it much easier! So it's day three and I'm already having temptations, lack of motivation, and feeling just down right blah!

But I am pushing through it, it also doesn't help that I feel so tired all the time either. I've been looking at finding myself a little 'pick-me-up' and also something to help curve my hunger and help me boost my fat burning lady power! ha ha ha lady power.. But I've been reading the reviews on this supplement pill:

From what I have seen on the reviews it's really good and a lot of people have had great results on it. I don't know about the whole 'magic pill' thing, but if it will possibly boost my energy then I am willing to try it. But I want to do all of my research first before I just go out and buy something I know nothing about.

Last night I even looked at gym memberships, and got a free three day pass to the NFC in Oak Ridge. But unfortunately enough it just so happened to snow like crazy during the night. We got about 6 inches maybe more. Which is wild! The last snow we had that was almost like this was the blizzard on '93.  I tried to take the kids out (which was an EPIC FAIL by the way) and it was past my one year olds knees! We didn't get to stay out too long because my DS started to get way too overwhelmed about all the snow. But at least I can say that I got out side today even if it were just a little while.

I ended up sleeping in this morning too. DD, DS, and I all got up giggling in bed and then started to get ready for the day. My breakfast this morning consisted of:

1. One medium bowl full of grapes
2. Two large glasses of water.

Lunch:

1. Chicken cooked in EVOO
2. A lettuce 'salad'
3. home made vinegar dressing for my salad and chicken
4. one banana

For dinner I ended up having another bowl full of grapes because I waited too long to eat. I've also set a rule for myself not to eat after 8 pm. I don't want to starve myself so I have been 'snacking' on grapes. Which now I'll hardly have any left for my breakfast in the morning

My homemade dressing was actually really yummy on my salad and chicken too! It was rice vinegar, garlic powder, and sesame seeds. I have no exact measurements for everything just fix it to taste really.

So many temptations already  now, specially when it comes to fixing my sons lunch and dinner and his breakfast. And all my facebookers are fixing snow cream and now I am craving it. But no, I WILL NOT cave!!

My partner and I ..well mainly I .. are talking about maybe going back to marriage counseling. I don't know why we stopped in the first place things were good for a while after DD was born. But now it has gone back to the way it was a year ago. Which wasn't a great place to be at all.

I don't want to sit here and blame him for everything, I mean I am just as responsible for the way I am now. But I am just so unhappy. Not just with him but also with myself. I have no self esteem any more, I don't love myself like I use to. but then again I hardly have time to love myself. I really need to start getting the kiddos on a better schedule along with myself.  Sometimes I don't feel like I am alive any more. I feel like I just exist and thats it. I keep seeing myself on the outside and I just want to shake myself and say "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU AAAAAARRRRGGG !!!!"  This really isn't me at all, and my hormones now seem to be such a wreck too.


I want to be able to feel alive again, I want to be able to enjoy my children and my life. So I've also decided that this spring or summer I would like to cross out a few things on my bucket list. I want to bungee jump and sky dive. I've always wanted to do it. But for some reason when it comes to doing things I am so anti doing things. I really need to start getting out a lot more. Being always cooped up in the house is killing me. I've also recruited my sister to go on Sunday hikes with me. If she comes with me or not is a different story, but I still would like to go on a Sunday hike.

I keep barking about the same things when it comes to my partner. I don't feel loved at all, and all I ask is for him to show a little more appreciation. I take care of our children night and day, he doesn't hardly have to lift a finger when it comes to them. I am giving them MY all and when he does come home all I want is him to replenish me. I feel like my soul is evaporating, and I want him to saturate me. Ran down on me with life, storm on me bring the tide! Something.... I need something more.